Hello bookworms! As is my usual “last Sunday of the month” tradition, I am sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee writing this post before I need to get ready for work. This post will be rambling and mostly musing about my life, and not wholly concentrated on books and the like.
But first to get some bookish thoughts out there. I’m really struggling with my bookstagram these days. I used to at least have some physical books on hand to photograph but these are all in a box in my mother-in-law’s storage closet in Denmark. And as much as I’d love to stop at the second hand bookstore on my work commute (it has a cat!!) I know that we don’t have the money for me to be buying books. I keep hoping to get a library card, but once my days off arrive I find myself far too tired and with other things to do and just put it off one more day.
My life right now is just stressful day after stressful day. It’s going to cost almost the same as a month’s rent to secure my husband’s resident status, so we’re struggling with that on top of the costs of life in general. We’re trying to do everything as cleanly as possible to avoid any trouble but that just makes things even more difficult and stressful.
I’m at least enjoying my job more than the ones I had before. I’m still not using my mind, still not doing something with the degrees I paid so much to get. But at least here I have coworkers that I like to talk to, and am regularly told that I do a good job and they’re glad they hired me. Goes a long way to keep me happier than my last restaurant job where I was berated and yelled at and it wasn’t until I was leaving that they realized I was their best worker and told me so to try to get me to stay. So I don’t hate my job as much as I used to, and it doesn’t drive me to tears.
That being said, it’s an exhausting job. I’m on my feet all day running around and trying to get everything done, and it doesn’t help the stress that due to understaffing the manager of the business and the supervisor of the restaurant regularly work shifts with me. I have at least two days a week sandwiched between them and it causes a decent amount of high level stress because I’m still technically in a probationary period and I need to make sure I keep this job. It pays better than I expected, and I’m actually starting to make enough to justify socking something into my savings account.
My poor husband, though, is living with stress and anxiety every day as we try to navigate getting his residency. As I said, trying to do everything cleanly and “the right way” is a stressful and expensive process. It’s confusing, technical errors are everywhere, and it still guarantees nothing. We haven’t even gotten to the part yet where we have to prove we have genuine love for each other!
We’ve been slow to start a social life as well. I have two friends in the city, but both live in different neighborhoods and Seattle is pretty big. They also both work weekdays, and as I work weekends and have a couple weedays off, our preferred times and days to spend time together don’t align much. A few people I work with have expressed interest in hanging out outside of work, and I’m trying to take them up on it!
I feel lost a lot of the time these days. I work on this blog, and that keeps a schedule for me, but outside of blogging and whatnot I can’t answer a lot of deep questions like “what do you like to do?” “what’s your passion?” “what makes you happy?” At the moment, the thing that makes me happiest is being wrapped up in a blanket and having absolutely no obligations. I can’t exactly build a life on chasing that feeling, though. I’m hoping that the year I have to spend here (and perhaps more) will help normalize my life around me and give me enough stability to finally be able to answer those questions. I’ve given up on the unattainable dream job, now time to find a new one.
Well bookworms I think I’ve rambled enough for one day. Thanks for reading another edition of “Coffee with Catherine” and I hope your Februaries weren’t too dreary!